Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
