your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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