It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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