Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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