soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
