He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
