non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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