I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
