YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He did a backflip because drugs
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
