I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
