me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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