When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
