I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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