Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
