Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
