i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
