So drunk its hurt
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
