I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
