I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
