someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
