I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
