I must be too annoying 4 u.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
