im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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