People in love make me want to vomit
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
