So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
