Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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