you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize