just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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