did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
