if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
