Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
