I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
