Hey man sorry I got all grabby
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
