fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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