On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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