How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
