Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
