i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
