i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
