You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
