I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
