I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
