dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
