This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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