I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
