its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize