:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
