It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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