JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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