I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
