When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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