dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry about my life...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
