I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
