i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
