Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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