I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
