Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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