I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
