she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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