I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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