Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
