You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
