I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize