I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Watching her eat just hurts me
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
