Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
