wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
