I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
