I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
