I think I won the penis lottery.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
