Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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