im drinking this country out of the recession.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
