Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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