I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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